I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want...

I wrote this last night on the back of my homework. I was slightly angry, so here it is:

I don't need the constant feeling that I'm being judged. I don't want to have to guess if today I'll be ignored or not. I don't want to always have to worry about being compared to other girls. I don't want to think "Oh, today they're nice." or "Oh, today they're such a jerk." I don't need any of that when I can easily name five other guys who are always nice to me and they're always glad to have a conversation with me no matter what I'm wearing or what I choose to do. I can easily talk to them without wondering if they're judging me or whether or not they'll talk to me later or how nice they'll be to me later.

But somehow, I've been drawn to talking to this person everyday. And they'll make me smile one minute because of how nice and flattering they can be. Then make me want to break something the next because of what they said to/about me. I'm fed up and I think I've finally had enough.

I'm perfectly happy when I'm talking to other people who make me smile or have funny conversations with me that we can laugh about later. These things make good relationships, whether they're just friendships or more. They're healthy and happy and fun and wanted by every single person. And it's what I want. And those are the people I'm going to stick with and not give up on them. I'm going to finally take a stand and defend myself. I'm going to let it be known that I don't need a friendship that is only sometimes a friendship.





*Two major hints are embedded in this blog, so have fun!*