I Think You're Fine =P

I've been getting this urge lately to write a new blog but not exactly sure what I've wanted to write about. So I guess we're all anxious (including myself) to see what ends up of this entry! I have strong reason to believe that it will be filled with random and unpredictable thoughts though!

I took the late bus home yesterday after track, and the bus driver seemed to be in her own little world and wasn't paying a lot of attention to what she was doing - driving the bus. Eventually we came up to my friends house where the road splits in two directions. My friend had to yell several times to stop because the bus driver, again, was not paying attention. So after my friend got off the bus, she announced apologetically to everyone else, "I'm sleepin' on the job! ha-ha" ......
That's not exactly something that anyone would want to hear, and then laugh about, coming from their (elderly) bus driver who is responsible for getting them home safely. So you can see my issue with that one.

It has been a long time since I've written an entry (I apologize for the lack of order in this entry!) and so much in my life has happened and/or changed. I honestly don't think I'm going to get into any of (at least this time) because I'm tired of getting emotionally stressed when writing about things that are, well, emotionally stressful. And I also don't want to write about other things because I've psyched myself out before, and I don't want to let that happen again, so yea!

Instead, for now, I'll rant and rave about little kids and lacrosse sticks!
Yesterday before track practice (Wow, I'm good with chronologically ordering things!), I was walking with a friend out of the cafeteria and, since it's after school, there tends to be a bunch of really hyper, really loud, really obnoxious, and really rowdy little kids running around all over the place. Well, it's also spring season, and that's lacrosse season for our school and that means that everyone has to bring their sticks in to school and keep them with them at all times. So, I buy a water and pretzel twists (gotta be specific with these things) and we were walking out of the cafeteria when all of the sudden, a rather large amount of 7th or 8th grade girls come flying around the corner into the room and race full speed towards the snack line, all the while swinging florescent colored lacrosse sticks all around like nobodies business. I didn't think much of them, and I might have been in a deep conversation, and I thought I was used to it, being a senior in high school and all, so we continued towards the locker rooms. Suddenly, I get this really sharp pain in the side of my face, and next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital bed, six hours later.

Just kidding, but I really did get hit in the face. So, out of instinct, I scream and whip my head around to confront my assassin. And, still moving pretty fast in the opposite direction of me, is a little brunette girl following the pack of wild animals that ran by moments ago, holding her pink lacrosse stick and swinging it back and forth between her hands. Obviously it was the normal thing to do, (You know, hitting someone in the face as you're walking by and then not saying anything about it?) and obviously I miss the memo, so I said out loud, "Are you going to say sorry?" The girl glanced with a smirk over her shoulder and said, "No." just as simply and careless as that.

WHAT happened to the time when little kids were afraid to even look at the older, bigger upperclassmen in the hallway?! Now they've advanced to hitting us in the face with lacrosse sticks! Maybe it's just me, but I've asked around, and no one was ever obnoxious to the point where you are rude to upperclassmen in that way. And not only that, I think I have this hidden phobia of lacrosse sticks because I'm always ducking and diving out of the way of flying sticks and balls when I walk down the hallway to the locker rooms after school. Honestly, does anyone else think it's majorly rude to be standing their in the hallway passing a ball back and forth with another person holding one of those torture devices? Or hitting the ball against a wall and having it bounce across the hallway back to them? Maybe it's just me, but someone out there has to agree with me on how dangerous those damn things are. I mean, I'm a victim of getting hit with one... in the face! 'Nuff said.

On a much lighter note, THE BAND TRIP IS TOMORROW! I'm excited, even though it hasn't really hit me yet. Maybe tomorrow after I wake up from a nap on the bus it'll smack me in the face! (Hah!) I'll be like, "Hey! We're on a band trip!!! Jess! We're on our senior band trip!!" *Shakes Jess's shoulder until she wakes up.* (You have been warned, my friend.)

(And as for the song, it's been stuck in my head and I couldn't think of anything that worked well with this, so I decided to go for random!)

It Ends Tonight

My life has been so blah for the past couple weeks.  I just got over being sick, my parents were really mad at me a couple weeks ago (which I think is what started the whole downpour of badness), college stuff has been making me so worried and stressed, and to top that off, my dad doesn't want me going anywhere.  And you and I can both agree that getting away, and going somewhere is exactly what I need to do.

Which brings me to the next thing that has me down in the dumps.  Going away for college.  When/IF I go away, upstate or even to Sacred Heart in CT, what's going to happen with my relationships here.  Not only with my family (which shouldn't change too much) but with my boyfriend, best friend and other really great friends, my friends who are in college already, friends who don't know what they're going to do with their lives... the list goes on and on.  And it's scary.  Going out into the big world, it's just really a scary thought, and eventually (more sooner than later) I'm going to have to make decisions that I don't want to make, talk about things I don't want to talk about, do things I don't want to do, and go on with my life with my head up and eyes open for new experiences and my future ahead of me.

I can't really look up to an older sibling or a relative who went to college after high school and ask them for advice, because I don't have anyone who did.  (Sure, my dad.  But he's not one of the, "Happy Harry's" or "Advice Adam's" in this situation. And he only went to one semester in a community college and now he thinks that that's the answer to all my problems and choices.)

As a matter of fact, I know I can do this whole, college thing, on my own, or partially on my own, and I know I don't have to listen to my dad about my decision because it's my life now, and it's my future, and it's supposed to be in my hands at this point.  I understand the whole financial part gets you in the long run, but I'm willing to live with it if it means that I can go to the college I want and get on with the career that I've always wanted, for the majority of my life.

Tomorrow, no, Senior Night, Saturday, nope, Armory for track all day.. Sunday! I am going to sit down, e-mail my counselor and hope she replies because she isn't doing much right now, and tell her my situation, get her help, then I'm going to call Nana and explain everything to her.  Then, if my dad doesn't want to handle the application fees, I'll hand him the money, ask for a check in return (if not, I'll resort to Nana) and get this all over with.  And that's my final decision.  All this stress, all this worrying, all this "Maybe I should stay on the island just to keep my dad happy." it's ending.  It's ending now.  It ends tonight, as I'm writing these words.  I'm ready to start my life with a new view, with the words, "I can do this."

Now that I got that out of my system, I'm going to bed.

Hello, Goodbye

Hello,

WOW, it's been a long time since I've written in my blog.  Sorry about that.  I've been so, so, so busy with school, applying to college, track, friends, family, etc.  And, I've also been a little bored with what I started, the Ten People thing.  Which brings me to the reason why I'm writing tonight, instead of finishing my French composition on Pierre Gustav Pea (yes, I WILL explain that at a later date).

While surfing around on Facebook, I received a little notification that I have been tagged in a note by two of my friends.  The note's description was the following:

Write ten things you want to say to ten people. Any ten people you want, best friends or worst enemies and say anything you want about them, nice or not-so-nice. Then tag all the friends you want so that they see this note and the chain will continue. You don't necessarily have to tag the people listed in the note. 

I was going to do this too.  But then I realized, I already did something like this, and didn't finish it (like many other projects that I start).  So what I decided was that I'm going to still finish the Ten People thing I'm doing, just have other blogs in between.  That way I won't continue being bored with my blog (which should NEVER happen).

Today I went Christmas shopping with my sisters and Nana (I like to plan ahead. Hah!) and then we went to Applebees for dinner.  When we pulled up into our parking space, I looked over and saw an elderly couple walking to their car.  They were holding hands.  Nana made an "aw" sound, and I like going up to them and just simply hugging them.  Once they got to their car (a white mini-van) the husband walked up to the driver's side, held the door open for his wife, then shut it, and walked around to get into the passenger's side.  And I thought, "Now that's true love."  Nana was going off, saying something about how romantic, and my little sisters were oohing and aahing about the whole situation.

This made me think about something.  I thought about how sad it was, that we're sitting there, saying how sweet and lovely it is to watch an elderly couple hold hands and watch the husband be a gentleman and hold the car door open for his wife, who he clearly married because he loves her, until death does them part!  Why does this shock us?  What does that say about our society? That's the part that I think is sad, I think that should be expected and usual for a couple.  Not surprising and catch you off guard.

But it does, and I have to say, it really was a sweet moment, to share and watch that private moment with a couple who are in love and show it.

Ahh, she's back to her normal blogs again.  How refreshing, eh?

Goodbye! =]

The Riddle

• Pick 10 people, 5 female and 5 male.
• Now, think of something you'd like to tell them, ask them, show them, etc. 
• Don't address it to them and don't put the "letters" in any particular order. 
• Also, no one is allowed to ask you who's who!

[I'm gong to add these one day at a time to link the songs with the entries together.(Also to think about what I'm going to write to each person!)]

Person #7:

I want to know what you're thinking.  I want you to tell me why you act the way you do.  I want to know!

You're like the addictingly hard puzzle or riddle that I want to figure out, but I'm afraid to because if I do, the game will be all over.  Not many people peak my interest the way you do.  Usually I can accurately guess what someone is thinking already or I'm too annoyed to even try to figure it out.  But you always have new tricks up your sleeve and I never know (and I bet that half the time you don't either) when you'll pull out the next one.

You, like many people, are able to make me laugh.  You also test my patience, push me just past that (higher than it should be) tolerance level, and bring me back down to normal, all in a matter of seconds.  I don't know how, but you do it, almost with ease.

Your intelligence and the way the way that you use it intrigues me.  Your drive to b happy and bring peace between everyone fascinates me.  And your immature, slightly obnoxious comments and movements make me want to wring your neck.

But after every day, I'm able to say that you're there for me and shake my head at something adorably immature you said or did previously and think, "That person is the perfect riddle."

Sorry

• Pick 10 people, 5 female and 5 male.
• Now, think of something you'd like to tell them, ask them, show them, etc. 
• Don't address it to them and don't put the "letters" in any particular order. 
• Also, no one is allowed to ask you who's who!

[I'm gong to add these one day at a time to link the songs with the entries together.(Also to think about what I'm going to write to each person!)]

Person #6:

For every hurtful word, for every snide comment, for every small thing forgotten, for every feeling hurt, for every little argument made, I'm sorry.

I know I've told you this before, but I don't know if I've expressed just how sorry I really am.  I know I probably won't ever be able to tell you exactly how sorry I am, but I can try, until it's pretty much beat to death.  It's just the fact that a really good thing was ruined because of a misunderstanding and a lack of explaining, just because I let my scared emotions get the better of me.

You've been a major chapter in my life that I would never want to change and never want to forget.  I'm very thankful for that.  I'm also extremely thankful that we're still friends.

I guess I know that I've been apologizing too much.  But if I could go back in time, I'd make myself open my eyes and see how lucky I was and how great my life was.

But everything is okay for you and me right now, we're in our own separate lives, and I just want to tell you, that I'm really happy and thankful that I was able to share part of my life being close to you.

The Devil In Me

• Pick 10 people, 5 female and 5 male.
• Now, think of something you'd like to tell them, ask them, show them, etc. 
• Don't address it to them and don't put the "letters" in any particular order. 
• Also, no one is allowed to ask you who's who!

[I'm gong to add these one day at a time to link the songs with the entries together.(Also to think about what I'm going to write to each person!)]

Person #5:

You don't even have the slightest idea as to how you make me feel (even though the title and song should give that away).

Especially recently.  I've come to realize that I let myself have too much patience with you.  I've given you too many "chances", I let you talk to me, I let you in, I'm too nice too you.  Some people question if it's because I still "like" you or have feelings for you.  The answer is no.  There is no way I could possibly feel that way towards you right now.  You've tried to turn this around and make me look like the bad guy here.  I thought about it, I felt bad, then as you continued to hang around and wave and smile and talk to me, then ask why I hate you, I realized that I shouldn't feel bad at all.  We're both grown up (physically, that is) here.  No one should be blaming the other.  So stop.

Another thing that I've realized is how livid I get when I see you nowadays.  I can't even control it.  When I see you, I go rigid, my jaw tightens, and I even think I stop breathing sometimes.  Now, I do not, whatsoever, want to feel this way towards you, or anyone for that matter.  But I don't think about it when it happens.  I don't like it when it happens either because it's not me, it's not who I am.  It's a side of me that I don't like to see.

I guess the thing I want to ask, or rather tell you, is to stop talking to me, stop looking at me, stop thinking about me, stop waving to me and stop trying to get my attention.  I know all of that sounds harsh, but I hate being mad at someone, and I hate feeling the way I feel about you.

I don't have this problem with anyone else and I think it's probably because you're so persistent.

Maybe if you go back into your little shell that isolates you from people, like you tend to be very good at doing, and just hide for a little while.  Then maybe we can start over, as friends, come other time.  But as for now, and as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to talk to you because "you bring out the devil in me".  And I hate it.

"You've had your fun do you suppose I earned it?

Do you not see how I'm begging on me knees?

Don't speak, don't breath

You bring out the devil in me"

I'd Lie

• Pick 10 people, 5 female and 5 male.
• Now, think of something you'd like to tell them, ask them, show them, etc. 
• Don't address it to them and don't put the "letters" in any particular order. 
• Also, no one is allowed to ask you who's who!

[I'm gong to add these one day at a time to link the songs with the entries together.(Also to think about what I'm going to write to each person!)]

Person #4:

Not until recently, I realized that I've been listening to songs that remind me of you constantly (and not on purpose).

One thing that I notice is, whenever we talk or hangout, we get along almost perfectly.  I've always wanted to point this out to you, but sometimes I find myself rethinking what I want to say because I'm afraid of how you're react (not always though).  I know I shouldn't think this way, because you're you and you won't (at least I think you won't) judge me or not like me over something so little.

So, going back to the song thing I mentioned before, the song (that should be) playing is a perfect example.  I don't know where to begin with it because the whole song is perfect (with a few exceptions of course).  It make me think about you, a lot.  It also makes me want to be near you, just because.  It makes me want to tell you all about it, and show you how neat it is that a song can reflect someone so well.

Obviously the point of this little "project" that I have going on here is to tell you something that I either: am too shy to say out loud, haven't gotten the chance to say, or have been meaning to say and keep forgetting to.  Now, a few people can already guess who this letter is to (if not by the song itself, already).  But I guess that's okay because no one is supposed to ask!

So that thing I've been meaning to tell you (this seems sort of silly now, but oh well) is that I have a gift for you.  And I've had it for quite a few months now, but I haven't had the chance/the nerve to give it to you.  I'm not sure if/when I'll ever give it to you though.  But there, I said it and got it off my chest.

And here's the song for those of you interested in the lyrics:

I don't think that passenger seat

Has ever looked this good to me

He tells me about his night

And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love

He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair

I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong

And I don't think it ever crossed his mind

He tells a joke, I fake a smile

But I know all his favorite songs

[Chorus]

And I could tell you

His favorite color's green

He likes to argue

Born on the seventeenth

His sister's beautiful

He has his father's eyes

And if you ask me if I love him... 

I'd lie

He looks around the room

Innocently overlooks the truth

Shouldn't a light go on

Doesn't he know

That I've had him memorized for so long

He sees everything in black and white

Never let nobody see him cry

I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

[Chorus]

He stands there, then walks away

My God, if I could only say

I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you, 

But he can play guitar

I think he can see through

Everything but my heart

First thought when I wake up is

My God, he's beautiful

So I put on my make-up

And pray for a miracle

Yes I could tell you

[Chorus]