Peek-a-Boo!

Sorry I haven't been posting in the past week and a half. School is coming to an end (I don't want it to!!) and we're starting to do major boot camp review for the finals and regents. And also, I've been so exhausted lately that I don't want to be alive anymore and I just curl up and fall asleep in bed. So here are the past days that I've been absent from my blog. I guess you could say that I haven't been completely neglecting my blog because I've been writing them down on paper. I win!

May 21, 2008

Well I survived yet another day of Project Adventure in gym. Today we started off with trust falling from a standing position, with our eyes closed, backwards and forwards. Then we went outside with ten minutes left in the period. Our task was to get across "the river" filled with hippos (so we couldn't touch the water) and there were Pigmy's chasing us that want to capture and kill us (so we had to hurry). There were two plastic jump ropes on the ground that marked where the edges of the river were. There was also a rope that hung directly in the middle of the "river" about a half foot off the ground with a loop at the end and knots about three quarters of a foot apart all the way up the rope. We had to get every person across without a single person touching the "water". (If someone touched the water, everyone had to go back to the starting side and those who've already gone across couldn't go again until everyone else tried.) We didn't do too well in the eight minutes we attempted and we're going to have to try again on Friday (which is Senior cut day, so there goes some of the key people in our class). Also, I "took one for the team" because, as I went across the rope, the plastic tape on it cut my leg, so now I have a nice long cut on my right calf that will most likely scar because I scar easily. Oh well, at least it was for a good cause?

May 22, 2008

So today I started off on the wrong foot. I slept in until 6:40 (and my bus come at 6:42). I've been tired all day. My stomach is cramping up. Very inconvenient "happenings" happened this morning. Last night wasn't so good either. "Someone" who always lies, decided to stick their nose into everything again. Jess even brought up a good point: Everything that happens, usually revolves around this person. All forms of gossip, all rumors, all accusations, all of everything. Whatever it may be, it'll somehow trail back to them.
Also, I heard a different kind of gossip after track yesterday and at first I didn't care. But then I saw the person, that this gossip was about, come online and my heart dropped and spun around a couple times. And then I slept on it, and when I saw them in school, the same thing happened, my heart decided that it was this limber acrobat and it did some flips and twists and turns. I lover how I didn't really, really care until I heard this "news". Oh well, I'll get over it and mover on. I tend to be good at that now-a-days.
- I was going to relate to some lyrics in a couple songs, but I didn't write them down so I don't remember what they were, sorry. -
Why am I in such a loserish mood? Well, here are some reasons:
1) I'm not happy with someone who is always around me.
2) I'm also not happy with myself and some decisions I've made recently (nothing major, just small decisions).
3) Boys.
4) Being a girl.
5) Fatigue.
6) I'm seriously confused because of a certain indecisive individual.
7)Allergies.
8) (I stopped here, and I don't remember everything that was bugging me that day, but it looks like enough now. haha)

May 23, 2008

Okay, so those were the last two days of me venting and doing the usual. And as for today? Well, so far it's been pretty much uneventful. Last night, I fell asleep with my clothes (under armor, sports bra, spandex, shorts, and sweatpants) on, my shoes on, my contacts still in, and my lights still on. Oh and I didn't take my makeup off and my alarms not set. So I fell asleep at 7:30, I just passed out. Then at around 1:40am, I heard someone come in my room and turn off my lights and shut my door. (Now I kind of wish that they had woken my up to tell me to get changes and set my alarms.) The next time I woke up was 7:59 am. That means I had twelve and a half hours of sleep. Some may say that's awesome. But let me tell you how tired I was all day. So anyway, I woke up at 8:00am this morning and went upstairs to tell my mom. She got mad and told me that she'll take me to school when she's ready to leave. She was ready to leave at 10:30. So I got to school at the end of my lunch period and they had stopped serving lunch by then. (But that's okay, because I at an orange right before we left.) So today I only had four full periods and now I'm sitting here, before track, writing in Jess's notebook.
So, it sounded like I had a lousy day, but really, it wasn't so bad. - Ends abruptly. -

May 28, 2008

So I really should be reading but instead I'm writing a blog with a sharpie marker.
Today went by quickly. I woke up, showered, wore a pretty shirt, went to school and did school things, then I got pulled out of ninth period early. Apparently we had to rush to Connetquot for divisionals in track. So I ran to my locker and then got on the bus. But, go figure, silly me forgot to go to the locker rooms to get my actual track stuff. So I got on the bus, fell asleep listening to Elton John, the when we got there, I realized I was missing way too many items; My track shoes, socks, a bra, a tee-shirt, my spikes (just in case), and my spandex. Yea, you kinda need all of those things to actually participate in rack. (I guess I should explain and put it out there that I was wearing a shirt that had almost a built in bra. So that's why I wasn't wearing a bra. In case you were wondering.) But it all turned out okay because I didn't have to run. So I colored, slept, did chemistry homework, read some of the book, 1984, that I should be reading right now, I got kicked in the head, at a hamburger, cheered some people, ran away from a spider that was on Jess, rolled on a rock and bruised my hip, oh! and I was very uncomfortable in the... lack of undergarments I had (or didn't have). So yea, I guess I'll let you decide and use your imagination about how my experience after school was.
After divisionals were over, we left to go to McDonald's. I was extremely uncomfortable in the outfit I was wearing, so I changed, and then Jess changed after me. When she went into the bathroom to change, I went on the line to buy fries and a drink to tide my over until we got home. After she left he bathroom, she forgot her phone on the sink. When we say back down at out table, (Behind the pole.) she realized that she left her phone and went to go get it.
Apparently, someone decided that they wanted a cell phone for an hour (because she called and had her mom shut it down) and they stole it. (Sorry if this brings back bad memories Jessica.) And it was stolen, but I don't really feel like going into details again after repeating it several times last night.
Let's see, I guess I'll just leave it at that for now. I'm running out of things to talk about. And this sharpie is kind of getting to my head. And I'm kind of tired of thinking now.

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want...

I wrote this last night on the back of my homework. I was slightly angry, so here it is:

I don't need the constant feeling that I'm being judged. I don't want to have to guess if today I'll be ignored or not. I don't want to always have to worry about being compared to other girls. I don't want to think "Oh, today they're nice." or "Oh, today they're such a jerk." I don't need any of that when I can easily name five other guys who are always nice to me and they're always glad to have a conversation with me no matter what I'm wearing or what I choose to do. I can easily talk to them without wondering if they're judging me or whether or not they'll talk to me later or how nice they'll be to me later.

But somehow, I've been drawn to talking to this person everyday. And they'll make me smile one minute because of how nice and flattering they can be. Then make me want to break something the next because of what they said to/about me. I'm fed up and I think I've finally had enough.

I'm perfectly happy when I'm talking to other people who make me smile or have funny conversations with me that we can laugh about later. These things make good relationships, whether they're just friendships or more. They're healthy and happy and fun and wanted by every single person. And it's what I want. And those are the people I'm going to stick with and not give up on them. I'm going to finally take a stand and defend myself. I'm going to let it be known that I don't need a friendship that is only sometimes a friendship.





*Two major hints are embedded in this blog, so have fun!*

"Camp Adventure"?

Well, I know Jess is already writing about this, but I thought I'd brush (with bristles) on the topic myself.

Gym. I guess I'll tell you, beforehand, why I'm sort of angry about the class I'm in. While we were in Disney (for our band trip), our whole gym class picked their different activities for the quarter. Of course, our teacher is in love with us (Jessie Girl and Aaalix!) so he went ahead and put us in his class.

Now for the best part, our activities for the first and second half of the quarter are one-pitch and *drum roll please* Project Adventure! *Insert Brandon laughing hysterically here.* Yes, that's right, we have to spend the rest of our gym experience bonding with the fifteen or so people in our class and building trust and solving problems and doing adventures and tasks with them. Wouldn't it be just easier to kill us now instead of making us suffer and complain? I mean come on. And our teacher is oh so, very enthusiastic about it. It is quite interesting. And okay, I'll admit, it was a little fun because I got to partner up with Jess for the various, really random, events we had to do, and we laughed a lot. But I don't think she enjoyed the feeling of being hunted in the partner tag game (that we OWNED at!). But I'm mostly afraid of what lies ahead of us for the rest of the year in gym.

I really don't have much of anything else to say.

Okay, that was a lie, I have a lot to say, and I should just go ahead and let it all out because some people (I won't point figures and say names) *cough* Brandon *cough* like to read the rambling on stuff. So, maybe later on tonight I'll continue my "rambling".

Blogging Addiction

I think I'm becoming addicted to blogging.

So I've recovered from my mental confusion from this morning. And you know what I've concluded? Prom's and other big school functions are stupid. Not the prom itself, but the way they make people act and feel differently. So much stupid drama goes on, and everyone is out of there comfort zones so they act differently. The end.

Today was kind of a waste of a Saturday, even though it was relaxing, I didn't really accomplish anything. Unless you count printing out lyrics for an English project due Tuesday and finally getting all the mascara off my eyes accomplishments.

It was a slow get up day, and when I finally dragged my body out of bed, I wrote an entry for my blog and ate Wendy's because my father had gone out and bought some. Interesting breakfast, I know. Then I showered because I hadn't the night before, well, the morning before (I got home from Prom at 2:30am). Then I made a list and called for pizza. On the way to the store, I picked up my friend, and we went grocery shopping for my family. Oh, and I forgot the list at home, so I had to remember everything (Which I did!). Then we went to get the pizza and I dropped her back off at home.

I was going to ask my dad if I could go out with my friend and her neighbors to see a movie. But he said no because, apparently, I'm never home and I needed to stay home. Honestly, I think I need to get out more. But whatever, it was stress free and relaxing.

Now that I think about it, I don't really have a reason for writing this entry. I just want to talk to someone and not sound completely self-centered. I mean, I feel like talking about my day and all that jazz and right now I'm talking to my friend, Brandon, online. I don't want to just, tell him everything I just typed, it would be selfish and boring. (Hi Brandon!) Well, I guess I could say that this is my journal and I have every right to post whatever I want. I shouldn't worry about pleasing who ever reads this. Yea! So take that!

So I was tired all day from last night. And, of course, now I'm not the least bit tired. Go figure.

This is so bad, I have nothing planned for this blog. I should really just stop, plan something out, and then come back. But no, I have to be difficult.

One thing I noticed today was that I was lacking a smile. Sure, I was smiling a lot when I was shopping with my friend, but other than that, no smile. I did, however, do a lot of thinking today, especially while I was driving alone. That's when I came up with the little conclusion about prom being stupid but not really.

Oh! And another thing that went on today. During breakfast (Wendy's) my middle sister tried to come up with an analogy for her bird, Ziggy, eating a chicken nugget. I can't remember exactly what she said, but she said something about two different people, like a Norwegian eating an American. I looked at her and told her that it was a bad analogy, and for some reason this made my mother start cracking up. So I fixed her analogy by saying that Ziggy eating a chicken nugget is like a Chihuahua eating a Great Dane. Of course when I said that, someone picked up the phone (which was ringing) and my sisters friend heard me say "like a Chihuahua eating a Great Dane." *Awkward Turtle*

I think I'm running out of things to write about and I'm getting kind of tired. Finally! So yes, my day was relaxing, boring, and not funny.

Prom Afterthoughts

So last night, we had Junior Prom. It was so much fun and we received our class rings. I really like mine and I'm happy i got it. On the way to and from prom we were in a party bus. It was so comfortable and relaxing (besides the fact that nobody could decide where they wanted to go afterwards). So we pretty much just drove people home, turned around in a McDonald's parking lot, went back to the Limo Captain's house, ate for thirty minutes, and then we got driven home. We even watched a part of Juno, but the audio wasn't the same as the picture and the screen kept going black or freezing up.

Last night was also very emotionally confusing for me. When we got there, and for the rest of the night in the prom, the person I went with decided that he didn't want to sit with me, dance with me, talk with me, or even make eye contact with me. Instead he was all over my other friend and she let him. I was very confused but I kind of just let it go because it was prom and I didn't want it to be ruined. So instead I danced with my friend Bobby and whoever else was around. Like normal people, who were having fun. Oh, and Jess came over and danced with me for a little bit, and I was very happy. =]

I guess I'll tell you more about the "emotionally confusing" part. Well after prom, on the party bus, I sat with my prom date/ex boyfriend for a little while and he apologized for ignoring me and "being a jerk". I accepted his apology. But I think I did mainly because it didn't ruin my night, it was pretty rude of him, but I still had a lot of fun so I just let it go. He then went to the other side of the bus and sat with someone else for a little while until he had to come back over by me to give directions to his house. While he wasn't sitting next to me, Jess sat with me and we "chilled" until she got dropped off at her house. Then he came back over and sat with me until we dropped him off.

While he was sitting there, he held out his hand for me to hold, and yes, I held it. I'm not sure if it was out of habit from when we were going out, or what, but I don't remember thinking about doing it. While I was playing with his hand, I was thinking about how it was while we were going out, months ago. It had been fun, but nobody really agreed with the idea. He broke up with me after about a month and a half (?) and only about two and a half months ago started talking to me again. So every now and then, whenever he didn't have to be giving the driver directions, he would turn around and sit and put his arm around me to pull me close into him. I went with it, he was being nice, and calm and relaxed. It was a nice bus ride, just a little confusing. I'm not sure really what else to say about that. But I just needed to get it out there, off my chest. (I'm not sure I'll post this or not, or leave it up or anything, but we'll see.) And I highly doubt anything will happen anymore because of the way he his, but I can't tell the future so I don't know.

Aside from that, today is Saturday and it feels like Sunday. I'm bored and I'm sitting here, at my desk, waiting for my dad to come home with food. I've been thinking a lot about last night, and it all feels like a dream. Not a really good one, and definitely not a bad one. But a dream that will make you want to tear it apart, looking for symbolism and meanings. I guess that's what I'm doing with the memories I have from last night. Not necessarily looking for symbolism, but something along those lines.

Well, my dad just came home, and hunger is taking over my mind so I don't think I'll be able to write about anything else until later.

Food! Here I come!!

"Compendium of the Daily This & That"

Man, I haven't written in a while and I keep meaning to just sit down and let it all out. But nope, so many things have been going on that I'm too tired to function after I get home, and too hungry to think about anything else but food, and too busy to do anything else but homework (and talk to certain people online).

For the past few days I've been very giddy ("for some reason") and today wasn't any different. At track, before we run, I'm my usual hyper self, then, when we run and I have to tell myself over and over "It's okay Alex, you love running! Remember? You absolutely, positively LOVE track, and running, and sweating, and getting exercise. And look! You're almost done anyway, just think about the muscles you'll get if you keep this up. Don't worry, all this work will pay off. You love running, you love running, you love running!" *hip pain* And then after we run, and our heart rate goes back down to normal, I start getting hyper/giddy again and I bug Jess some. "I'm not touching youuuu!" *slap* "Mr. Leverrrr! Jess hit me!!" Ahh, I love Jess. We're like two little kids when it comes to bickering and "fighting", I swear. One Saturday at an invitational, we started fighting, like two five year olds, over a stick. I was trying to pry open her hand, only to find out that it was in her other hand. Seriously? How old are we? We're seventeen, and we shouldn't be acting this way. as of May 10th! It gets pretty bad sometimes. But hey, we're best friends, I love her, she makes me smile every single day. JESS!! You're awesome!! =]

So today wasn't any different when it came with the giddy and hyperness. About a half an hour ago I was thinking about my day and I realized something. (And I don't mean this to be offensive to anyone, but I don't think one of the people this is about actually reads my blog anyway, so it doesn't really matter.) Anyway, what I realized was this; It's really, really refreshing to talk to a nice guy. After a while, the constant Why are you wearing that makeup? I don't like your outfit. That's dumb. *Pushes Alex* *Ignores Alex, then calls her later and asks her why she's ignoring him* gets tiring and makes me want a break from it all. And a nice conversation with a nice person makes me feel happy and it makes me feel good about myself. Even if it's just a "Hi, how are you? How was your day? Okay, I got to go, sleep well!" conversation, that's enough. At least nothing harsh was said, right?

And recently, for the past few days, I've been smiling a lot. I can't help it, and it happens randomly too. Like, in the middle of class, I'll think about something and start smiling and my friends notice and ask me about it. I can't really explain why I'm smiling, it just happens!

I actually had a lot more planned for this blog, but I'm not sure exactly what happened with my brain because I can't think of any more to write. *enter sad face here* Well, I guess this concludes my blog? Over and out!! (Don't ask.)



P.S. All of the things typed in a smaller font are various inside jokes and references towards different people, if you don't get it or they don't make sense, don't worry, you're not meant to. =P

P.S.S. And a special thanks goes to Brandon for coming up with the title of my blog before he even read it or knew what it was about. Thank you! =]